Ascendancy Forge

Lantfeust's Journal 6

Hi Journal! It’s me again!

So…Ramis made me go in the cave. I didn’t want to but he promised me we could go for ice cream after. I’m going to get rocky road! So we went into the dark and scary cave and found this down machine. Though it didn’t work well so eveyrone jumped off and we were all in a pile at the bottom and it was really fun!

Oh! I nearly forgot! I made a new friend! After that kitten thing slipped on the ice in the ice tower and fell down the stairs, breaking her neck, whereupon we had a traditional elven burial for her (which involved throwing a blanket over her body at the bottom of the stairs and weighting it down with some rocks). I really like the new people though! Even if one of them has bats…Terrible flesh eating, disease carrying, baby eating bats. Doesnt she know that 20 million kids are eaten by bats EVERY SECOND? Maybe I should tell her this next time she wants to use them. I have this wonderful pop up book on the dangers of flying rodents. I have another that teaches about the facts of life that I’m waiting to read to Aero when he’s old enough.

So after we fell down the mine shaft we walked into this tunnel. Then there was screaming, shouting and some crying that sounded like Ramis. When I could finally see what was going on I saw this big squishy thing. Naturally I shot it with arrows. The new girl was trying to do the same thing, but she seemed to be aiming for the ceiling for some reason. Maybe she saw a rogue stalactite. I once heard of a rogue stalactite chasing an elf for 8 miles before it caught him and made him buy cookies from it so it’s troupe could go on a field trip. Or something like that.

So we killed the jello thing and Ramis and Aero wiped themselves down from the encounter. Their pants still smelled kinda bad after but I guess there wasn’t a lot we could do about it. Sometimes you get scared and there’s no shame in your body expressing itself.

Then we found a river. In a cave. With a tree on it. I swear I’m not making this up. Who brings a tree into a cave?! I bet it was gnomes. I hate those little bastards. They’re always laughing at me behind my back. Plus they smell like cabbage. Elves have gone to war for less. You can’t even get into political office if you don’t at least smell like lilacs. We’re very serious about our smells.

We crossed the river next. Well, okay, some of us crossed the river. Some of us decided to molest a tree and some of us decided to take their union mandated break. Regardless, we were asaulted by some smaller gooey things. I decided to attack and kill them. The others decided to do shit all and make me do their work for them. I mean, they had to be doing poorly on purpose. Noone is THAT bad. The new girl didn’t hit once. She actually attacked a rock. I mean, what had that rock ever done to her? I mean, I understand why Taz was so awful, since he actually had to stand to fight. And Ramis wasn’t faced with any rabid ottoman’s, so his heart wasn’t in it. But the new girl has no reason. I wonder if she knows we’re adventuring and trying to kill things? I should have a talk with her. I should learn her name first though…

So I killed the oozes, emphasis on I, and then we ate dinner, which Aero made while we were fighting. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! Delicious. I wonder where he found the ingredients though…

Ramis says it’ time to go now Journal. Apparetly we have to tie a rope to Aero and drag him across the river. For an ex-pirate he’s not really ‘water friendly’.

Bye for now journal!



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