HI! Miss me? I missed you. We’ve been away from each other for far too long. And it’s all Dixon’s fault for stealing you! I don’t care what she says. I know she says it was for the god of the party, but I find it hard to believe that my ‘words of emotional turmoil are delicious enough to season the roast’. I know for a FACT that burnt paper tastes awful on venision, so we can add cooking to the long list of things Dixon can’t do. She should defer to my expertise more. I AM the one with the silver merit badge in Improvised Cooking.
So we were walking through the forest and I suddenly heard whispering. But not the normal whispering. This was more creepy and less singy. Thankfully it turned out the voices weren’t ocming from anything that exists, so I got to ignore them.
Next we were ambushed by fungus men, which was rather unpleasant because you know how much I hate eating chitin, and what’s the point of killing something you’re not going to eat? So we did that fight. Sort of. It was not my finest hour. More my most hurty hour. It was right up there with that time I asked that wizard if he could cast his slow-fally-no-hurty spell on me so I could jump from the high tree into that giant pile of leaves. I think his spell would’ve worked better if he was an actual wizard. But in my defense, at the time I didn’t know hobos had acess to pointy hats. I thought they were limited to top hats with a hole in the top like Patches who lived behind my parents house and used to break into our garden, take all our vegetables and stuff them in his…well, you know how this story goes.
After someone picked me up off the ground we decided to light a forest on fire. On purpose. And while I watched Kan-Tur gather the worst kind of wood possible to light (I was assuming he was putting all the bad wood out of the way so we wouldn’t burn and die) I got to tell everyone about the Elflympics. I was a Leaf Winner in the Cupcake Dash. It was as delicious as it was deadly. Six elves enter, 2 elves carrying a dwarf leave.
Anyways, then we set the forest on fire. It was no ones fault, but since I’m the only one with both a Fire Safety Badge and a Griffon Riding Badge, it’s probably not something that can be blamed on me for very long.
So we ran for a bit. I shot a deer. Everyone cheered. Dixon is stupid.
We reached this holey plain next, and Ankhegs started attacking us. As well as this Elven Priest who came running out of the forest with his robes on fire. Which is dangerous. His robes could have set the forest on fire if he wasn’t careful. I don’t know what he was thinking.
I killed an Ankheg. And some smaller ones. But the big one was the important one. I took a trophy too. Mandible Bracers. I can’t wait to go home and show them off! Assuming I ever remember where home is.
I need to go now journal. Kan-Tur is stuck in one of the Ankheg holes ‘communing with the earth’. I’m pretty sure it’s exactly as dirty as it sounds.
BYE FOR NOW!
P.S. Don’t let Dixon near you anymore. I glued some of the small ankheg mandibles to you so you can bite her if she gets to close. Just be careful! Chewing is a big responsibility.